In order to celebrate International Women’s Day, I’m sharing with you my little satire on how to be the perfect feminist. Because while you’re enjoying your flowers and chocolate on March 8, some real feminists are burning their bras to honour our rights and fight for our equality. However, no need to worry or feel guilty. If you follow the guide below you will become a perfect feminist, one that is worthy of raising a daughter in this patriarchal world.
1. Free Nipples and Dungarees
Forget dresses, skirts and heels. Now it’s time to dress like a real feminist. So give away all clothing that shows your femininity too much or better yet, burn them so you don’t let another lady disgrace herself with this oversexualized clothing. The perfect feminist is strong and doesn’t need to show some of her attributes to succeed in life. Plus, how can you be taken seriously in Louboutins?
2. Bare Face
Be ready to save tons of money because makeup is a big no-no. Now you realize that there are much more important things in life than makeup. You can’t waste precious time in the morning on superficial matters. After all, you’re fighting for women’s rights and equality. Leave the talk about eyebrows and lipstick hues to your clueless sisters because you’re changing the world, right?
3. Ditch the razor
Now that you have built a little reputation for yourself (welcome to the club of the perfect feminist), you can’t throw it away by conceding to the pressure of the hair removal industry (led by men of course). So ditch the razor and let your hair flourish like green grass after the rain. Bonus points for the ones who dare to dye their armpits and post pictures on social media. They are our real heroes.
4. No man’s land
You should make sure that everybody knows that you DON’T NEED MEN. Yes, I’m talking about you, the nice gentleman that opens the door for me or wants to give me a hand with my 30 kg suitcase. What do you think? That I’m not strong enough? I have freaking green armpit hair Mr. and I can even freeze my eggs (note to self – freeze my eggs). You see I don’t need you. I’m a big girl and next time you can let the door close on my face. I love it!
5. Working wonder woman
If you decide to become a stay at home mom be prepared for a session of exorcism from your perfect feminist friends or risk dishonouring them and the cause you worked so hard for (it’s not easy to dye armpits). Our grandmothers and mothers didn’t fight for us to have the freedom to choose to stay at home and spend precious time taking care of our loved ones. No, we have to honour their sacrifices and be good working wonder women instead, the ones that are career driven and achieve much more in life than planning a 1st birthday party. Actually, you should be able to do it all. After all, you didn’t need a man right.
6. Call me Miss for life
Marriage is for Disney princesses. You, you’re a warrior, an amazon, a Xena in armour. You won’t go down that path right? You’re better than that. Or maybe you did and thought that was the biggest mistake of your life so now you’re a proud divorcee, free from any male bondage. You represent the perfect feminist, the one that can show other women what it is to be an independent, single successful female.
7. Humour MIA
You officially became the perfect feminist. You’re single, you have a career that takes most of your time, and you don’t diminish yourself by showing your curves because you only need to show off your brain and amazing accomplishments. But, you might also have lost your sense of humour since you tend to be angry all the time at this world ruled by egocentric misogynists. Sexualization of women and young girls, unequal salary, etc. We have a lot to work on so there is no time for jokes here.
By now you should be a feminist yoda, one that really honours women. You should be proud of yourself.
Hope you guys liked my satirical take on feminist cliches. I don’t believe there is only one way to be a feminist. We are all a bit feminist because we all have to deal with the same issues in this world and we try our best.
I love to cook for my husband and it doesn’t make a submissive woman. I love to work too, I would go insane without work. But, I believe spending time with my loved ones is invaluable. I’m crazy about makeup and love shopping, but it doesn’t mean that I’m not concerned about women’s rights and that I won’t speak my mind on serious matters.
You can be feminine and a feminist. You can be whoever you want to be and help the women’s cause. A woman raising her child and teaching her sons to respect women and daughters to be fearless is as much a feminist as a successful business woman that speaks for women’s rights.
The only women that I believe are not feminist are the ones shaming other women for their life choices.
United and open minded is what we need to be.
All photos are courtesy of Ambivalently Yours. She is a very talented and anonymous artist that studied feminist art and worked in the fashion industry. She recently exposed her work in Paris.
Follow her on Instagram or Tumblr. You can also buy her art and very cool goodies on her online shop.
Spread the word!